Love is in the air. The birds are singing, and couples are cozying up—what better time to buy a home? That’s the premise of the movie Love Hurts. Marvin Gable, our protagonist, is a real estate agent with one goal: selling homes. Unfortunately, his plans are derailed by a deranged ex who leaves cryptic heart-shaped letters wherever he goes. To add to the chaos, she has been drawing mustaches on posters of his face, an act that some might find amusing.
At first glance, this movie may seem like your typical Valentine’s Day rom-com, but it takes a surprising turn when Marvin’s past catches up with him—through a John Wick-level assassin. Yes, you read that right.
From start to finish, this film was a pleasant surprise. Expectations were low for this reviewer, but after seeing a cowboy-hat-wearing Samwise Gamgee (Sean Astin) from The Lord of the Rings, I was hooked. Love Hurts may not be a must-see, but if you’re looking for a fun Valentine's movie and aren’t into horror, this film has something for everyone. Be warned, though—the movie features a pair of bumbling, Dumb and Dumber-esque villains. While they aren’t given nearly enough screen time, they do manage to melt your heart.
A fun Easter egg for viewers: “Love sometimes leads one (or others) to be shot through the heart. The things some people do for their spider monkeys.” If you skip the movie, you’ll be haunted by the mystery of this line for the rest of your life.
The ending, admittedly, feels a bit lackluster, but the overall story and well-developed characters make up for it. Trust your Gandalf-like movie reviewer and take a journey to the theater. Enjoy a drink with that special someone as Sam Gamgee casts all your romance into the fire.
Final thought: If your real estate agent isn’t as positive about damage repairs as Marvin is, you may need a better agent. Just be sure they aren’t a black belt in karate—you might end up feeling a little too “holey.” Love Hurts earns a solid 3 out of 5 stars. If you’re a fan of cowboy-hat-wearing Sam Gamgee, I’ll bump it up to 4 out of 5.