Senate rejects pipeline: nothing lost, nothing gained

The Senate voted on the Keystone pipeline – 59 senators voted yes; 41 voted no. However, because of the Senate’s 60-vote necessity, the bill failed—by one vote. The environmentalist celebrated by drinking organic, pseudo-tasteful soy green bean lattes and by eating grass. Meanwhile, the oilers drank their sadness away by consuming diesel. (Regular was not strong enough after this disheartening defeat).

The rest of us normal people, without an agenda because we have lives neither celebrated nor lamented. We went about our day because the Keystone pipeline is not a big deal. It is not a big environmental risk, and it is not a big economic booster.

“But, this devil pipeline is going to destroy the environment. It will be the end of American life as we know it. We cannot allow this to kill the polar bears and ruin my great-great-great grandchildren’s standard of life by approving this one pipeline,” said the irrational and irritating eco-nut.

This is ridiculous. The State Department released an environmental review that said Keystone XL would not have any significant effect on greenhouse gas emissions because the oil is going to be produced, whether the pipeline is there or not. So, why not allow some jobs—as temporary as they’d be—to be created by approving the pipeline. If the oil is leaving the ground with or without the pipeline, it is better to provide jobs for Americans.

“This pipeline will be the biggest economic booster this country has seen since the Industrial Revolution. We must get this approved because without it, we will slip into the Great Obression—the depression under Obama’s reign of terror—which will be worse than FDR’s fabricated Great Depression,” said some backwards hick from Incestual Town (population: four), an unfortunate zit on the map.

He is not entirely wrong. This can create jobs. Is the pipeline an economic powerhouse that will create top-notch job security? Yes, it will create about 50 new permanent jobs. Overall, however, it has a projected 42,000 direct and indirect jobs and about $2 billion earnings in the U.S. Jobs go away after about two years. This has no lasting economic impact, but it would provide some immediate relief for people who may be struggling.

“The pipeline would do (insert ignorant comment about environment/jobs/both),” said (insert family member at Thanksgiving). No, no it will not. The pipeline is not great for the economy nor is it horrible for the environment. The pipeline does harm one environment though: family Thanksgiving dinner. So, find someone at dinner who can appreciate the daggers you throw through your eyes while surreptitiously glaring at your uncle who never stops talking.