Halloween in 5 minutes or less

A variety of different last minute costumes including a Ninja Turtle, a mummy, a banana and a zombie. Each outfit took less than five minutes to assemble and cost less than $10. - Aaron J. Stewart/Printz
A variety of different last minute costumes including a Ninja Turtle, a mummy, a banana, and a zombie. Each outfit took less than 5 minutes to assemble and cost less than 10 dollars. – Aaron J. Stewart

If you’re anything like me, it’s 9 p.m. and there’s a party tonight at your friend’s house/apartment/mansion/fraternity house/free-living cooperative.

You’ve got fifteen minutes while your friends yell at you to “hurry up and get off of Netflix” or say mean, unnecessarily aggressive things like “You can’t be a fairy four years in a row.” Not like I’ve done that. Either way, you have no time and no funds. What do you do?

Here’s a few fun, last minute costume suggestions for those racing the clock to Halloween.

1. The “Nudist on Strike”

This costume is the epitome of easy. Wear what you would normally have worn to the party, but add a small sign around your neck saying “Nudist on Strike.” If you own a plethora of nude-colored clothing and wish to go the extra mile, go for it. Either way, you’ve managed to bring your lackadaisical view of commercialized holidays to the nearest social event.

2. The “(Expletive) in a box”

Step one: Wear a suit. Step two: Find a box. Step three: Cut a hole in the box. Need I say more?

3. Max from “Where the Wild Things Are”

Echo this childhood classic by wearing all white or gray, then adding a bright yellow paper crown. If you happen to own a onesie like some nameless reporter I won’t mention, then sport that along with some eyeliner whiskers and you’ll have everyone swooning with nostalgia.

4. Tom Cruise in “Risky Business”

If you’re feeling so daring, take an old record off the shelf and sport a large dress shirt to attend the soirée as Cruise’s character Joel Goodsen from the ‘80s classic “Risky Business.” Add a pair of tidey whiteys and tall white socks if you like that old time rock and roll.

5. Regina George from “Mean Girls”

Got an old white tank top to sacrifice? Cut two holes in the chest area a lá Regina and sport a brightly colored camisole underneath. Want to go for authenticity? The camisole should be purple and wear it with a cute, swingy black skirt. You go, Glen Coco.

Last, but definitely not least,

6. The Lumberjack

Channel your inner Canadian and slip on some plaid to go as a lumberjack, the alpha of the woods. Splash in a dash of a hearty fake (or real) beard and add a pinch of denim and you’ll be ready to take on the mighty Yukon. This is Southern Miss: I know every one of you owns at least one plaid shirt.

Halloween is a fun time to dress up and play as someone you’re not, but remember to stay aware and sensitive to all the colorful cultures around us. Cultural appropriation is something that every college student should learn at some point in his or her life, and it’s important to represent our university well wherever we go and whatever we choose to dress as.

So, leave home the Native American headdresses, the bindis and the offensive nationality costumes. If you have to ask if it’s offensive, then: it probably is.